Messy Humans

The Muck and Mire

“…The work of the soul is to unfold its purpose in life. This is not an easy task, for it involves struggle, pain, and often tragedy. But the clay is given to us, the fecund red clay with which to build a life.”~ James Hillman, The Soul’s Code

I read this book in the ‘90s and this quote is the one thing that stuck. Something about the potency of the word “fecund,” which I think was new to me at the time and the image it evoked in my mind. It helped me start shifting my perception of how I saw the events of my life and the meaning I’d made from them—many of them extremely challenging for a sensitive child.

A few years later, through lots of serendipitous moments, connections, timing, etc. (that’s another story), I started a master’s program in spiritual psychology—one in which we started from the premise that we are spiritual beings having a human experience (perhaps the first time I heard that as well) and that everything in life is for our learning and growth—not because we’re damaged or beyond help or hope (the way I’d previously perceived myself).

I flew once a month from San Angelo, Texas and my job as an event coordinator and collections manager at an art museum to Los Angeles, California. We had intensive, experiential sessions while learning about various modes of psychology, which we utilized to practice with each other.

One of the most profound things I took away from that experience is that none of us escapes this human experience without difficulties.

We began with about 250 people in our class, and went through two years together. I think the youngest in our class was under 20 and the oldest was a tiny but mighty Irish woman in her 80s.

It was a big deal to me to fly from west Texas (I didn’t have my “are you CRAZY” meltdown until I was a few months in!), but many in our class came from other countries. When we returned home for the weeks in between, we continued our own inner work using what we’d learned.

We had representation across the spectrum of humanity: massage therapists, artists, business people, spiritual teachers, movie business folks, “regular” working folks like me, differences in race, sexual orientation….

It was deep, vulnerable and powerful work—not for the faint of heart.

I heard so many stories over those two years from people that appeared to have it all together, but who’d experienced unbelievable losses, abuse, and so on. Some of the things I’d experienced myself, and others I could not even imagine, they were so horrific. The bottom line, we were all there trying to heal, searching for answers, for meaning and how to carry on.

It also made me realize that there are only so many challenging themes in a human life—various addictions, depression, sexual/emotional/physical abuse, too much money, not enough money, physical health issues, experiencing war, etc. The metaphor that stuck in my mind then was that of going through the line at Mongolian Barbecue in Austin, Texas in the decades prior where you choose what items you’d like for your meal that then gets mixed all together--veggies, meat, condiments, etc. It just seemed like life was sort of like that. “Oh, let’s see...I’ll have a little family history of depression, drug and alcohol addiction and suicide, oh, and let’s top it off with abuse and financial struggles.” This is a gross oversimplification, of course, but hopefully you get my meaning. Some get the hard stuff up front, some nearer the end, but no one remains unscathed.

And from my view now, this is our opportunity always, but particularly in the murky moment we’re in currently.

Here’s your big old pile of raw material. It’s fecund—ooey, gooey, rich, messy, muddy, smelly—but good stuff with which to create.

Alchemy—turning shite into gold.